Poetry Monday: Sports ........ and Funnies

It's Poetry Monday, and this week's topic is ..... SPORTS .....  kindly provided by Diane again this week.

Join Diane, MotherOwl, Mimi and me as we walk, jog and jump right into this topic. (Or maybe not, if you're me. I crept, ambled, and crawled instead, as you will see.) You can leave your poem in the comments, or post on your own blog; if you do the latter, please leave a comment so we can find you. Use the topic, or choose another -- the objective is to have fun and exercise our brains.

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Sports have never been high on my list of interests. Or abilities.

I've always been a low-energy person. My mother was always dragging me to the doctor to have my iron levels tested. And I was always fine -- I was just a quiet kid who preferred quiet pursuits. That made it hard to enjoy sports.

There's also the fact that my joints don't seem to be made for running. You know the runners you see in competitions? Legs like pistons, feet hitting the ground in perfect strides, their whole bodies finely-tuned and smoothly-functioning machines . . . 

That's not me.

Picture a windmill come to life, rolling haphazardly across a field, joints stuck out at all angles.

 That's me.

There were a few exceptions to the rule -- I loved to ride my bike (because it wasn't running), and I was a darn good scissor-kick high jumper in school, considering my terrible lack of height. Yes, I realize that's a peculiarly specific skill, but I take my success where I can.

Every other sport in our school curriculum involved a ball of some kind (all of which had a magnetic attraction to my glasses), or running, or jumping.  Sports are all about expending energy, and I had no excess energy to expend.

And sports were always about teams, and wining, and losing. I just didn't get why everybody was so competitive. I understand that lots of other people are, and that's okay. It's just not my thing, either as a participant or as a spectator.

But none of the above will keep me from writing a poem about the topic 😀


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Why Yes, I DO Have Some Strengths, Just Not The Kind Involving Muscles

Why do sports seem to need some kind of ball
That strikes from behind with no warning at all
Balls that are sneaky and hard as cement
They knock off your glasses and leave them all bent

And even the sports without balls have downsides
You have to run nimbly, with powerful strides
They all demand talent, the kind I've not got
And leave me all sweaty and gaspy and hot

I don't mind admitting I'm lacking sports skills
I'll gladly give up the collateral thrills
I'm simply not cut out for physical stuff
My strengths are in reading and eating cream puffs

Mmm ... cream puffs!  (Photo: Pixabay)

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This seems like a good time to use up some related funnies! (Photos courtesy of icanhas.cheezburger.com)

Me doing sports

I have similar problems

Can you buy it somewhere?

  I'd raise both my hands in agreement, but that takes energy

And this is why I could never have a dog

Sounds reasonable to me

  We can't have that

And they are delicious

And sleep in tomorrow

"I am NOT dead, just tired & ugly. PLEASE LET ME SLEEP !!!!"

  I need a sign like this

Indeed

Kitty, it's better to actually LIE DOWN

It's all in the presentation

Again . . . presentation

  But I would

Better have a nap first to work up some energy

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Wishing you a week of delight, whether that takes the form of activity or cream puffs or something in between .....

Next week's topic will be ........ MONEY! Good luck :)

Poetry Monday: Gnomes, and Combs, and Foam, and . . .

It's Poetry Monday, and the topics this week -- for, lo, there are multiple topics! -- are .....GNOMES, COMBS, and FOAM.

Why don't you join Diane, MotherOwl, Mimi and me in our poetry alchemy? Leave your poem in a comment, or post on your own blog; if you do the latter, please leave a comment so we can find you and your poem. Choose another topic entirely if that pleases you; the objective is to have fun and use our brains.


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This one practically wrote itself, given the topics that Diane provided!

Got some suggestions for you, Dusty ... Read on ...

Garden Ornaments I Wouldn't Mind Having

Gnomes
With combs
Using styling foams

Pigs
In wigs
Eating sticky figs

Ants
Who prance
Wearing stretchy pants

Bears
In pairs
Snoozing in armchairs

Mice
From Vice
Rolling loaded dice

Cats
In spats
Calculating stats

Crocs
In socks
Winding up their clocks

Deer
Who cheer
And guzzle cold root beer

Bees
With knees
Trying out their skis

Birds
In herds
Choosing new passwords

Dogs
In clogs
Reading favourite blogs



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Strangely enough, I couldn't find any pictures on the internet of any of the above . . . . .

But here is a peripherally-related funny:

(enlarged, the small print says:  "but the gnomes were better")

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Wishing you a week of unusual/interesting/funny sightings . . .

Next week's topic will be ..... SPORTS. Thanks, Diane, for providing the topic again for next week and giving me a break :)

Good luck!

Poetry Monday: Puzzles ..... and Funnies

It's Poetry Monday, and this week's topic is ..... PUZZLES.

Join Diane, MotherOwl, Mimi and me as we work our magic, turning puzzles into poetry. You can leave your poem in the comments or post on your own blog; if you do the latter, please leave a comment so we can find you and your poem. Use the topic, or choose another; the idea is to have fun and exercise our brains.

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I've said it before and I'll say it again: I'm not a mathy person.

It's fine if you are a mathy person. More power to those who enjoy numbers and have an aptitude for them.

But that's not me. I'm a word person.

So it would be easy to guess what interests me in the realm of puzzles.

(Once again, I'm illustrating my poem with pictures, with the hope that you will not notice how short my poem is.)



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How To Entertain Me

Su-do-ku?

No-can-do

my solution to Sudoku puzzles

Spatial toys?

Real killjoys

This pile of stuck-together blocks will, theoretically, fit together to form a cube. Unfortunately, that remains theoretical when it's in my paws.

But -- wordplay?

I say Yay!

please ignore the fact that one of the obvious words you can make with these tiles is "smut" -- Pixabay beggars can't be choosers

And a pun?

Oh, what fun!

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This seems like a good time to break out all the puns and wordplay memes I've been collecting.

And because there are a couple of regular readers here whose first language is not English, I've put some notes under the pictures to explain the jokes. I hope that helps. I think wordplay must be very difficult in a second (or third or fourth) language. It was even difficult to explain some of these, I found. If you're not having fun reading, feel free to ignore them! This is supposed to be enjoyable :)

escapea (escaped pea) = escapee (one who escapes)

boulder (a large rock) = bolder

stock =  soup base; laughing stock = someone who is the subject of a joke; humerus (arm bone) = humorous

Alpacalypse = Apocalypse (and while llamas and alpacas are not the same thing, they look enough alike that it makes the joke work)

90 degrees = a right angle in geometry = a corner

alterNEIGHtor = alterNAtor (car part)

I think this one explains itself . . . I think

helium = heal 'em (heal them); curium = cure 'em; barium = bury 'em

open toad = open-toed (like a sandal)

hay = hey; and that's a roll of hay kitty is sitting on, and, well, it's kind of a dumb joke, isn't it?

"end construction" really means "end OF construction", but "End Construction" is also the kind of thing you would see on a protest sign, too

... puffin (for everybody who's not familiar with this bird) - a play on the phrase "huffing and puffing"

giddyup is what you say to a horse to make him go; also, giddyup = get up

shift is a key but it's also a word for the hours you spend at a job

explains itself, I think

mustache (see kitty's white mustache?) sounds like "must ask"

this time, toad = towed

explains itself, I think (a Roomba is an automatic vacuum cleaner that moves around by itself)

plethora literally means "a lot"

"rain, dear"= reindeer, that guy above with the antlers

. . . and that something is a nose!

"in a nutshell (acorn)" = a short explanation

stuffed = full because they ate so much AND stuffed with stuffing

stables = where horses are kept; this is meant to sound like the phrase "the tables have turned", meaning something now is happening the opposite to the way it used to be

Toucan (the name of this bird) = two can

an oying = annoying

a Yamaha is a brand of motorcycle

For more puns and corny jokes I've posted in the past, see here and here.

And for even more puns, go here.


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Hope your week is filled with hahahahas -- or at least a chuckle or two.

Next week's topic will be ..... your choice of gnomes, combs, and/or foam ..... something for everyone! Thanks, Diane.

Good luck :)