Whiny Little Complainer

Donkey is in "a situation."

A bad situation.

A bad hair situation, which is - in Donkey's opinion - one of the worst kind. (Donkey's husband isn't all that keen on her being in it, either. For different reasons. Reasons of self-preservation.)

I mentioned awhile ago that I was having some trepidation over changing to a new hairdresser. Then I reported back that I was relieved to get my first haircut by her and all had gone well. It was just a trim, really, while we waited for my hair to grow out of an unfortunate, uneven cut by someone else. And so it would seem, to anyone reading, that the situation was fine and dandy.

Well. With every haircut since then, things have edged toward bad, badder, and then baddest. And I don't know how to stop this runaway train from going off the cliff and ending up with me having no hair left to work with.

I'm prepared to take all of the blame. My instructions may be coming across as incomplete, vague, and lacking in hairdresser-y terms. I don't know all the lingo. I only know how to say things like: "my hair is too thick here (gestures to back of head) and it needs to be thinner so I don't look like a mushroom." Or: "please take off a half-inch all around, and don't worry if it's a bit more because my hair grows fast." Or even: "here is a picture of what I'm talking about."

In the first example, I leave the salon looking even more like a mushroom, because the part of my head I thought I pointed to is not the part of my head where the hair has been removed. In the second example I leave the salon looking like I have not had a single hair snipped - it is just as long as it ever was, and since my hair does indeed grow fast, by the time the next appointment comes around I will look like an afghan hound who hasn't had a trim in five years. In the third example, I will leave the salon with my hair both shorter and longer than in the picture (shorter in the back, longer in the front, or vice versa) and I will still look like a mushroom -- it's like we are seeing completely different things within the same picture.

So, I am reduced to asking begging you, my bloggy people, all of whom I feel have smart haircuts and excellent verbal and diplomatic skills, to tell me how you convey your (negative) thoughts on a haircut to your hairdresser, and how you convey what you want in its place.

I want to say "I hate, loathe and despise what you did with my hair last time, please make me look exactly like this picture instead and if I walk out of here with anything different I will not be back" but I know that's not good for our relationship and will probably end up with my ears being cut off. And I truly do like my hairdresser. She is kind and funny and is trying hard to please me. And she has serious skills in the precision department, which is ultra-important to me because my hair is very thick and hard to cut precisely.

But I need to know how to work with her good qualities but also get a haircut I don't want to cry over. And, although I do not seem to be anywhere close to running out of tears, I am running out of hair to work with. Even though a shaved head is a perfectly good look on many men, there are only a handful of women who can pull it off, and my name is not on that list.

Along with your advice, which I fervently hope you will give, do you have a hair-raising story of a haircut gone wrong? You'd be doing a humanitarian service by telling me all about it :)

No

No

No

No

No

No

Just No

Even the cat says "No"

This is my face at the hairdresser's. "What the ...?"

This is how I want my face to look -- and feel -- at the hairdresser's. "Fabulous!" (even though I never say fabulous)

Help. Please help.

Helllp.

Please know that I realize this is a trifling matter in the big scheme of things. There are wars and elections and uncurable diseases and unbearable things going on in the world. But right now I have my head firmly in the grip of a little thing, one I wish I could control.

And if you have read this far, I have a take-home gift for you, a previously-never-admitted nugget of information. When I was naming my blog, I very nearly called it today's title, "Whiny Little Complainer" ... oh yes I did.

Reflecting on this whiny post, maybe I should have.

I did have fun picking out the "No" pictures, and that's taking some of the sting out of my frustration. I may even laugh about this, given another couple of weeks (months?).


Thanks for reading, thank you in advance for any and all advice, and may you have a stress-free, frustration-free, bad-haircut-free weekend -- and may all your experiences at the hair salon be like that last picture up there :)

All pictures from Pixabay. ThankyouverymuchPixabay. You have begun my cheering-up process.