Friday 22 July 2016

Dear Whoever Sent Me That Email: This Is For You. Especially The Part At The End.

A recent email which somehow landed in my junk inbox, when it was SO clearly not junk, had these encouraging words for me: "All your body and face disadvantages will turn into advantages, jenny_o".

First of all, they knew my name! So it couldn't be junk email, right?

Second, they knew I had all those body and face disadvantages, so they must know me. Only my friends in real life are aware of things like that mole on my back that looks like a baby beetle and the unfortunate fact that I inherited the family nose, so I felt sure that this email must be from a person or persons who really know me.

Third, they were offering to turn those disadvantages into advantages - how could I not love them??

Well, love is one thing, but trust is a whole 'nother horse, so I did not open that email although I was positively itching to do so. I wasn't born yesterday, and come to think of it not for a lot of years before yesterday. However, it was sent by a drugstore, so I almost felt bad for being a tiny bit suspicious.

One can never be too careful on the internets, though, so I googled the name of the drugstore, and ... surprise! ... it seems that the drugstore name is also the name of a different version of that more common drug that is so well known that many people simply call it "the little blue pill."

Now that just made me confused. Not hard to do, mind you. Still. All my body and face disadvantages will turn into advantages?? I'm thinking this particular drug is not something you want to do to - or for - your face.

On the other hand, maybe it would get rid of facial wrinkles by expanding those subcutaneous layers or something. The thing is, I kinda like my laugh lines because they show I enjoy life quite a bit, and the worry lines are there because, despite all the laughing, I've also been worrying about stuff since I was six years old, and they're proof that I started young, if nothing else, and I think I'll just keep them, thanks anyway.

The crease lines on my face when I wake up are another matter. Those are getting darn annoying.

But I'm pretty sure you can't choose which wrinkles to erase and which ones to keep.

So, as much as I am tempted, "XXX Drugstore," I must with heavy heart turn down your intriguing offer. I guess I'll keep all my body and face disadvantages, because I just wouldn't be me without them. But thanks for thinking of me, old pal. Better luck with your other friends, eh?

... NOT. 

This is me, blowing a big ol' insulting raspberry at all spammers. I see now that perhaps I should start brushing my tongue more often. Ah well. Too late for this shot. (Photo: Pixabay  P. S. You would not believe how many funny pictures of donkeys are on the internet for free. P.P.S. I trust you noticed the inherited family nose.)

This was a light-hearted post, written before I knew what happened to Elephant's Child. While the email I got was pretty much just a minor wart on the face of humanity, the one she got was the smallpox version - and it was destructive and expensive. I'll repeat what EC said on her post - be careful out there, people! The spammers are getting craftier every day.

I hope you have a weekend that contributes to your laugh lines only!


dinthebeast said...

Reminds me of what my friend Raul said about the "male enhancement" spam he was getting "How did they know?"
It's been a while since I had a bad computer infection, and I'm two operating systems more current since then. I don't really do much risky internet behavior anymore, although the last infection I got was from a photo of the '89 earthquake I was looking at from a Google image search, so who knows?

-Doug in Oakland

Elephant's Child said...

Sigh. I paid for an expensive lesson.
And often get emails suggesting that a part I do not possess can be made bigger, more powerful and more potent. Pass.

jenny_o said...

The thing that I found funniest was the "face" part of this sales pitch. Really??

And yes, that was an expensive mistake, but such an easy one to make, given the fact you were waiting for a parcel.

We have a telephone scam going on here - the caller purports to be from our federal taxation agency and threatens to show up on people's doorstep with the police to collect outstanding taxes. It's terrifying to some people who know they owe for the most recent year (not an uncommon situation) and think the caller is really who they say they are. Especially elderly people. Spam like what I wrote about isn't a big deal, but some of this other fraudulent activity definitely is.

jenny_o said...

If they can talk about mankind living on Mars, why can't they get rid of malware?? Whoever 'they' are, you know :)

Elephant's Child said...

The tax scam is here too. Sigh. Dishonest, mean and no doubt very, very profitable.

jenny_o said...

Yes, yes, and YES, no doubt about it.

Mr. Shife said...

It's scary how smart they are, and before long they will invade our text messages. You have to take the good with the bad I guess when it comes to technology.

jenny_o said...

If only all those smarts could be harnessed for good instead of bad, though, eh?

Chicken said...

Wow-that stinks. If only they could put their smarts to good use.

jenny_o said...

Yeah, really - who knows what could be accomplished?

Steve Reed said...

Oh, I haven't read EC's post yet. But I'm glad you like to laugh, which is an appropriate response to this e-mail, I think!

(I routinely delete all my e-mails except those from people I know or am dealing with in some official capacity. Out of the 50 e-mails I get every day, I bet I open two.)

Betsy MacWhinney said...

Wow. Turning disadvantages into advantages! Sign me up!

Jono said...

If I opened every junk email I got I would own the secret of having a penis the size of Florida and have the secret drug that would let me outlive the universe itself.

jenny_o said...

I have the filter turned way up on my email so I only get a couple of spam emails per week. And they go to my junk inbox. The filter works pretty well.

jenny_o said...

No, Betsy, no - don't touch that link!!

jenny_o said...

If you're getting that many junk emails, you need to activate your email filter! See my reply to Steve above.