Monday, 25 September 2017

Poetry Monday: What You Wear Under There

That week sure went fast ... maybe partly a little bit perhaps probably TOTALLY because I was SO looking forward to the topic Diane gave us for this Poetry Monday ... underwear.

Ha ha. I lie.

Anyway.

Whatever you call them - underwear, undies, gotchies, pretties, unmentionables, knickers, smalls - they aren't something we were ever encouraged to talk about in polite company in my family when I was growing up.

Now, I know perfectly well that they are just another article of clothing. And I also know that Diane and Delores and Joan will find a delicate way to discuss undies. And probably be hilarious while they are doing it.

But this is the best I can do, given my upbringing and resulting inhibitions.

Underwear

Do I dare
Talk about
Underwear?

Do I dare
Write about
Underwear?

Do I care
To even think about
Underwear?

In my opinion
The biggest thing
To remember about
Underwear

Is that it
Should never
Ever
EVER
Be spelled
UnderWARE

We WEAR it UNDER
Other stuff.
UNDERWEAR.

Or think of it
Like this:

   U is for under clothing
   N is for no holes or tatters
   D is for decorum, please let's have some
   E is for everybody please wear some
   R is for really, please wear some
   W is for wishing everybody would wear some
   E is for everyone you see is either wearing or not wearing them but you can't always tell
   A is for always glad I can't tell
   R is for rolling eyes, because by this point you likely are, and I know I am


*****
Aaaaaand . . . done!!


Actually, I'm so rattled I forgot the preamble. I'll do it as a post-amble. Poetry Monday is brought to you by Diane, Delores, Donkey (me!), and Joan (in the comments). Read a poem, write a poem, leave a poem in the comments or join in on your blog if you have one!


Donkey snickering about underwear, no doubt. Because real donkeys don't need any.



P. S. If you want to read about more euphemisms for underwear, check out this page:
http://blog.oxforddictionaries.com/2012/07/dont-forget-your-pants/




47 comments:

Elephant's Child said...

Love it - and would add that it is UNDER wear. Please, please, please NOT outerware.

River said...

I love the way you did this :)
For me, underwear covers more than just the knickers, it includes anything worn under the outer clothing, so of course that means Bras, or Brassieres if you want to be lah-de-dah, an I can tell when women aren't wearing any. There's plenty of examples right here in my hometown.
Free-swinging, low-hanging, unfettered boobies, and always in the large, watermelon size.

Terry said...

Well done Jenny. It's not an easy subject to write about but you did it so well. It'll Monday again which means one thing. 🙀

I've got to mention something which really pisses me off. They open the door to ask if you'd like it leaving open 🙄 🙆‍♂️ Give me strength!

only slightly confused said...

Not an easy topic to talk about in polite blogger company lol but you did a great job. I wonder what horror Diane will come up with for us this week.

Anonymous said...

We have underwear and outerwear but not middlewear or overwear. hmmm.

Starting Over, Accepting Changes - Maybe said...

There was a time in the 70's that I lived free and went sans bra. Those were my perky days.

Marie Smith said...

I always tease our granddaughters about their knickers. I am a Newfoundlander and one of the terms for underwear is drawers. The girls always laugh and correct me. It's a joke now.

An unusual and entertaining post about an oft overlooked topic. Thank you for venturing there, Jenny.

Anonymous said...

Hello Jenny, a difficult subject I thought. I was at a loss and started a few, but quickly abandoned them. Anyway, here is my offering this week.

The temperature has fallen
To minus something below.
Won't be long before we get
Icicles with that white stuff - snow.

I have cardigans and jumpers,
Warm trousers, boots and hat.
Gloves and plenty of thick socks.
That's taken care of that.

The only clothing left to get,
Is some nice warm underwear.
With plenty of leggings and t.shirts
To be the first-most crucial layer.

That's me all bundled up,
With everything so nice and neat.
From the top of my covered head
To the soles of my stockinged feet.

So come on Winter, do your worst,
I'm as ready as ready will be.
I've been collecting all this stuff,
You won't be catching out me.

Let's hope next week's theme will be easier. Enjoy your week.

Joan (devon)

Jimmy said...

Hello Jenny, I take it that you are supporting the wearing of underwear ;) , I really enjoyed reading this one, thank you for the smile this morning.

Harlynn said...

Haha, "A is for always glad I can't tell".
I will never forget how to spell underware.
No I'm totally kidding.
I won't forget how to spell underwear. Not like silverware. We don't wear silverware...
Unless you're the little mermaid. Those dinglehoppers.

jenny_o said...

Excellent point - a fad I had mercifully forgotten until now, EC!

jenny_o said...

LOL!!!!

I dare you to work that last line into your next Words for Wednesday, River!!

jenny_o said...

Thanks, Terry :)

And I hear you about the door -- my dad had that happen many times. There is no such thing as true privacy in a hospital or a home.

jenny_o said...

We went in similar directions this week, Delores. Can't wait for the new topic, although I admit it was fun writing this one :)

jenny_o said...

Don't you love the English language??

jenny_o said...

I waited so long for my first bra I never wanted to take it off - ha ha

jenny_o said...

My dad used to call them drawers, too, Marie! I had forgotten that :)

jenny_o said...

Great job on a delicate topic, Joan! And reminds me of just how much clothing we carry around on our bodies in the winter.

Looking forward to whatever Diane has in store for us this coming week :)

jenny_o said...

Hah! Always glad to support both underwear and smiles, Jimmy :)

jenny_o said...

Welcome, Harlynn - thanks for reading!

Does the little mermaid wear silverware? I need to get caught up :)

Martha said...

HAHA! I had a good laugh with this one. You did a great job writing about the "unmentionables".

Janie Junebug said...

We usually didn't discuss our "unmentionables" when I was growing up, but my daughter and I used to have great fun on visits to Victoria's Secret. We chatted about panties and bras and which styles were our favorites and enjoyed picking out pretty colors. When I was a kid, all underwear was white. Our slips were white. My mom's girdle was white. Now I wear pink granny panties. TMI. Sorry. I love your poem.

Love,
Janie

jenny_o said...

Glad to entertain you :) Actually, for something called "unmentionables" they certainly got mentioned a few times . . .

jenny_o said...

Did you know thong sales have slipped badly and granny panties are "in"? You are right with the times, Janie :) and I hadn't thought about girdles in forever. And now I shall banish them from my mind for the rest of forever :)

River said...

Depends on where the words take me, but I'll see what I can do.

Steve Reed said...

Ha! Now THAT is a challenge -- to write poetry about underwear. But your achieved your goal admirably!

Diane Stringam Tolley said...

Bwahahahaha! Priceless! Laughing out loud priceless!

Diane Stringam Tolley said...

Masterfully done, Joan! I knew it would be a difficult topic. Everyone really outdid themselves!

Janie Junebug said...

Thank God girdles were out by the time I was old enough to wear one. I didn't know about thongs losing their popularity. I always thought a thong would be the same as putting dental floss up your butt. Cotton granny panties are comfortable and can be purchased at Victoria's Secret.

jenny_o said...

Ha ha - thank you although admirably may not be quite the right word :)

jenny_o said...

Or at Walmart :)

But if they are available at Victoria's Secret, they are definitely acceptable!

jenny_o said...

You are too kind, O Fearless Poetry Leader!

jenny_o said...

:D

dinthebeast said...

Underwear? Well, when I was in Junior High School there was a brief (oops) fad wherein guys would wear thermal underwear shirts as sweatshirts. I never participated in it, though, as my thermals were for lessening the torture of sitting in a goose-blind before the sun came up twice a year with my father.

-Doug in Oakland

jenny_o said...

Fashion versus function! It's hard to think of something as fashionable when you have to wear it for the reason it was intended, isn't it? :)

Yorkshire Pudding said...

UNDERWEAR
I struggled to unhook your bra
So you reached behind
I fumbled with the clips on your suspenders
So you reached down
I snagged a stocking on a broken nail
So you reached up
And pulled me closer
Smiling at my awkwardness
Sliding down my Y fronts
With your other hand
And this was love.

jenny_o said...

A sweet poem, YP.

(But on the "adult" side of family friendly, which I strive for with my blog - thought I should mention that for future contributions.)

Thanks for joining in, Mr. Pudding.

Yorkshire Pudding said...

Sorry for any offence caused. I shall replace the bra with a winter vest. Instead of suspenders there'll be Victorian bloomers and I will be wearing worsted long johns.

jenny_o said...

No offence caused - as I said, I just like the ol' blog to be G rated. Personally I really liked your poem, although I also liked - AND laughed at - your changes :)

Margo said...

This reminds me of a hilarious kids' book my mom has where there are animals giggled about underwear (hee-hee-ha-ha) the whole way through the book. I'll have to find it next time I'm there - I almost think there's a donkey involved :)

Jono said...

There was that short-lived fad wearing underwear on the outside. I thought that was pretty funny.

jenny_o said...

It really is better to giggle about it than never to mention it, right? :)

Hah! re the donkey :)

baili said...

I was not familiar with it until my fist period when mom brought me and asked to wear .

Now my whole family use them except the youngest one .

you are so right we did not dare to think of it even now i put them in washing machine in last and try to put them somewhere can be less seen if any guest enters the home and i do it unconsciously until you reminded me through your this hilarious post and very suitable poem!

jenny_o said...

People go to such lengths to do things differently . . .

jenny_o said...

Hah! I do the same with the washing, baili! And what's "normal" depends on what we grow up with, doesn't it?

Diane Henders said...

LOL! I enjoyed your impassioned plea for underwear almost as much as the donkey in the picture apparently did. (Of course, now I'm imagining the donkey wearing pettibockers, thanks to your link to Oxford.) ;-)

jenny_o said...

A donkey in pettibockers . . . hee haw!! Now I'm imagining it too :)