Hello, I'm back, I really didn't think I'd take this long to write another post, I will fill you in.
Immediately after my previous post, I had to have work done on my house. First it was the removal of my chimney due to long-term (as it turned out) leaking, then the wall abutting the chimney had to be repaired, outside and inside, and hardwood flooring had to be repaired, and then while the contractor was here, I had a half a dozen windows replaced (a job I had booked a year ago).
All of that took three weeks and the last of my reserves.
And in the middle of that, my mother suffered two compression fractures in her back, I resumed visiting (which felt like walking through an emotional minefield), I had to prepare for and attend a care conference at her nursing home (standard for new residents), and the hell of summer descended upon us in all its hot and humid glory.
Ah. Now we are getting to the point of the title.
I'm stressed by the actual heat and humidity. My new vinyl windows do not "take" the window air conditioners I have been relying on for many summers. They are not as robust as wood windows, and the air conditioners are large units. I do plan to have heat pumps installed, which will allow cooling in summer, but that is a few months away.
I am also stressed by worrying about how my mother is coping in this weather. It turns out the care home has enough cooling technology that Mom is not in danger of overheating; in fact, she doesn't realize it's summer because she is cool all the time. That does help my worried brain, but I didn't find out the home was cool until yesterday because I hadn't visited since the start of the heat wave.
I'm also stressed by the fact that a couple of streets away, on a route I drive every day, a family owns a Samoyed husky, who is tied at the front of the house almost all the time. There is a tree, so he does have shade, but the heat and humidity we get are beyond what he should and perhaps can tolerate. (I don't know. Any guesses from dog owners out there?) The dog has lived there for over a decade, but I think the owners of the house are different people now (I'm guessing a second generation of family that have taken ownership of both house and dog), and the dog doesn't seem to be cared for like he used to be. He always used to be pristine white whereas he is now stained and yellow; I never used to see him outside in the heat, and I often saw him out for walks with his people. It's rare to see the family walking him now. His age, maybe? Or the family being busy with two young children, perhaps.
The second day of the current heat wave, I was so disturbed I made a call to the SPCA, where I had to leave a message due to the volume of calls. Not fully trusting the messages to be monitored, I also left the same information on their online complaint page. In Nova Scotia, animal welfare officers are legally required to follow up within 24 hours of receiving a complaint.
The next day the husky was not in the front yard of his house. The day after that, he was not in the front yard of his house. Yesterday, he was again tied out front. It was early evening when I drove past and it was starting to cool a bit but it was still 30C out (with a humidex of 37C). I didn't know what to do. So I did what I always do when I hit a wall, worry-wise: I came home and fretted until I could go to bed and escape into sleep-time oblivion.
I should follow up with the SPCA; there is provision for complainants to do that. I just feel so stressed by everything, I can barely function. I am trying to keep my two elderly cats cool using a portable air condition; they both have health problems including kidney disease and due to one's aggressive personality they can't be in the same room, so I have rigged up a sort of "half-door" between rooms and must use a fan to move the cool air into the second room. I am trying to keep myself reasonably cool, staying up late to keep the house opened up. I worry about my son who lives on the second floor of the house, where it's even hotter, and his two cats (although he tells me they are all fine). I am trying to find a new schedule of visiting my mother, which is a delicate balance of considering her loneliness versus my mental health caused by feeling like I have been at her beck and call for the last three years.
So . . . heat stress. It's partly about the heat, but it's a LOT MORE about the stress.
I feel like a huge Whiney McWhiney Pants. I know there are lots of folks worse off than I am. I know there are lots of animals worse off than the husky on the next street. I know there are people who have no house and no portable air conditioner and no means to get one, and who also don't know where their next meal is coming from.
I am grateful for everything I do have, and especially grateful that I don't have the worry of my mother's daily care anymore. (I do worry about her daily, but about different things.)
But I wish there was a button on my forehead I could hit to turn my brain off now and then. Just for a little rest, you know? Just for a few hours while I am awake and conscious. Just to stop my mind from fretting over things, and allow me to get other things done.
Are you a worrier too? How do you cope when the worry hits the danger zone? Do you worry about animals you see under poor conditions? How do you handle that?
I hope you have a worry-free week ahead.
And if it can't be entirely worry-free, I hope it is a "worry-lite" version of your usual life. I hope you have found the magic solution that lets you park your worries for a bit, and relax deeply.
I wish that for us all, whatever our troubles may be.
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THIS. THIS IS WHAT I NEED ON MY FOREHEAD. |
We get into the habit of carrying the world's problems...but there comes a time when we run out of compassion...or run out of our self....so...
ReplyDeleteMother being cared for and not overheating..tick...son says he is ok...tick...you have sorted your cars as best you can...tick...building work..tick...dog reported...tick.
Right... all those done, the most important thing is to care for YOU!!
I have turned off the TV...and listen to minimal "news"...I have mostly music on the radio...and keep it on low overnight.
I am doing things to make my life better...how about you?
Aaaargh.
ReplyDeleteI am a worry wart. I mentally cross bridges before I know there is a river to cross. Thank you for your concern for the dog and for reporting it.
I do hope that your mother is settling despite the compression fractures (how did they happen?). And hope so much that your heat and humidity leave the building.
Hugs sister across the seas.
Breathing exercises are great for anxiety. So is therapy, IMO. Treat yourself?
ReplyDeleteWell, the heat wave here isn't too bad, days in the nineties (F) and nights in the sixties, but down in the valley it's off the charts. The fires are back this year, but none of them are even close enough to smoke up the air, so luck is still holding on that front. My biggest worry right now is for the future of my country, but I sort of feel like perhaps the biggest danger there is the actual worry being bandied about and getting in the way of the hard work of winning the election. The UK and France did it, and so should we. Will we? Remains to be seen. The one way we absolutely will not, though, is if we all give up and let the broadcast media have its way with us and our wallets.
ReplyDeleteGood on you for looking after the dog. Good luck with your mom. May the weather improve soon.
-Doug in Sugar Pine
Ten years is old for a dog that size.
ReplyDeleteBeing a worrier is part of a person's character and there isn't an off button. However, there must be some way to ease the worrying to a lower level.
I'm sorry about your heat and humidity. Your life will be a whole lot better when the heat pumps are installed.
Actually, you have most of you life controlled, if not under control. Your cats will be fine, your mom is fine, and that just leaves the Samoyed to worry about. But your fine eye will tell when he's in big trouble again. Hope your heat breaks soon.
ReplyDeleteIt's easy to jump on the worry train. I wish I could tell you of a fool proof way to get off, but nothing is fool proof as fools are so ingenious it means nothing is impossible for a sufficiently motivated fool. Please don't ask this fool how she knows that.
ReplyDeleteI am currently having stresses of my own, (mentally unstable self-harming ex) so I can sympathise somewhat, though I don't see animals poorly cared for nor do I have an elderly mother to worry about. I am not the worrying type anyway. Can you have the window airconditioner fitted some other way?
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you're having such a hard time, Jenny. You take the troubles of the world on your shoulders and it's hard to switch off.
ReplyDeleteIt's not easy to compartmentalise but it can be done, with practice. That's how I try to cope when things threaten to overwhelm me - that and controlled breathing.
I hope the weather breaks soon for you - unbearable heat makes everything so much harder to deal with.
You sure need a Don't Wory button. I am a worrier as well - more of the "Kids have stomach ache, it's probably appendicitis, and he'll die from it in his sleep" kind, and I try actively not to worry. My secret is songs, hymns to be precise. They help. I would like to send you to a holiday camp, where you did not have to do anything but go for long walks in nature and eat and sleep.
ReplyDeleteWell, we have the same worry brain obviously, though the things we seize on may differ. I, too, would love a little button on my forehead that I could press to turn off my brain. I have lately learned that some people have quiet brains, a phenomenon I simply cannot imagine. Take care of yourself my friend. Can you buy another portable AC or two to tide you over. It's so amazing to me that Canada is so hot now. And people think climate change is overblown. It's good your mom has good care now, and you can choose when to go by and visit, as you tend to your emotional and mental health. I do like knowing your son lives just upstairs. You have a big heart. I hope that husky is ok.
ReplyDeletegz: Then why does it not FEEL like I have all those things sorted? lol ... I have been trying to "put things in a box", worry only at a certain time of day, talk to a therapist, journal, and so on, but, oh, that worry! It still creeps in, as long as the heat is still a stressor.
ReplyDeleteElephant's Child: Thank you and hugs to you, too. The nursing home pointed to osteoporosis, plus possible injury in her younger life (two motor vehicle accidents), and increased stress on her spine the preceding month as Mom was doing a lot of walking in her quest to get out of the facility. There was no fall that they were aware of, and I believe that because I think Mom would have mentioned it to me. As it is, she seems comfortable now but will need to take pain meds for the rest of her life.
DRStewart: Thank you for the suggestions. It's not anxiety so much as my brain going a mile a minute. I wish I could just muffle/stifle the voice in my head! Therapy is a possibility but I keep feeling that when the heat abates so much of this worry will go with it.
Doug: Thanks; I'm glad your temperatures are manageable and there's no smoke this year so far. I'm worried about your country, too, for what it's worth. I see similar conditions forming in Canada, and feel helpless to affect it. But it IS encouraging that the UK and France have had good results. The media has a lot to answer for these days.
Andrew: Amen to that (re heat pumps). And yet even when we people and cats are comfortable, I will STILL be worried sick about that husky and any other animals I see in poor conditions. I feel like I need to wear a blindfold when I go out to avoid being constantly fatigued by worry.
Joanne: I don't feel like my life is under control ... I think the heat is the driving force right now. And now they've extended the heat warning until next Thursday! Ah, well. It will go away at some point. lol
Mimi: I can see that you get it :D But you do hide it well, if I may say so!
River: We can't think of any other way to install the window air conditioners, and we've checked on YouTube, my usual go-to. I'm sorry for the stress you're going through. That is a more unusual but heavy problem to carry.
jabblog: I think the heat is not only causing all these heat-related worries but is a stressor on its own. I don't do well, physically, in hot weather, and the humidity is miserable. We typically don't get this weather until the last two weeks in July and the first week in August - but things have changed. I feel such a sense of urgency about the heat when it comes to my mother, my family, my cats, and all the animals I see at the mercy of the temperatures. I'm familiar with compartmentalizing but I don't seem to be able to apply it here :( (That sounds like I'm giving up without a fight but I'm trying to think how I could do it)
Charlotte: As long as that summer camp is someplace colder than here, I'd go in a heartbeat! I'm sorry you are a worrier too. I can remember worrying about my kids also. Not just the regular worrying but the kind you're talking about.
37paddington: I can't understand the concept of a quiet brain, either. Mine never shuts up :) It's one reason I read so much, to drown out the thoughts for a while. Yes, we are thinking of getting another portable air conditioner to bridge the gap and allow for a backup. I am still worried about that husky, though. I don't think the family has any kind of cooling in their house, so what if it's hotter inside the house than outside and I've done more harm than good??? If they could even hose him down a couple of times a day, it would help. I worry that they took over his care without knowing what to do for him. Aaaaaargh!!
ReplyDeleteIt does sometimes seem like worries "pile up" and the energy of worrying feeds even more worries! I get that completely. The fact that you don't need to be concerned about your mom's immediate health and comfort has got to be a huge relief.
ReplyDeleteAs for the husky, it sounds quite elderly, and some of what you're describing (decreased activity, discolored coat) could definitely be put down to age. I think as long as the dog has shade and water, and you've already alerted the SPCA, you could try to let that worry go. Based on your description it doesn't sound like a critical situation. (Unless you want to adopt a husky? LOL!) Plus it sounds like some of your concerns are of the "what if" variety, about the owners and the state of their house and family -- but what if your "what ifs" are not accurate?
The windows/ac problem is a concern but you have a plan, so keep reminding yourself that this time next year all that will be sorted. You really ARE doing the right things and you HAVE taken action!
Steve: i didn't remember to mention the husky was panting continuously - that added to my concern. Yeah, probably stepping back to look at the bigger picture could help with some of these worries. But some of them are more immediate, like the dog's actual survival in this heat. I guess I could report it again. It's so hard on the head seeing animals suffer.
ReplyDeleteI hope there is some resolution with the dog beside him being tied to the tree. Could you talk to the family? Maybe have your son help out? That's a tough one and I don't know the best way to handle it. It always breaks my heart when an animal is in distress. I don't know if you have tried but people rave about meditating to turn off their brain. I have a hard time sitting still because then I get flooded with tons of stuff in my head. I do something called active meditation and focus on my breathing when I am doing a task like walking into the gym or store. Take care of yourself, jenny_o.
ReplyDeletethanks for updates dear Jenny !
ReplyDeletei am sorry your mother got fractures! hope she is recovering speedily by the grace of God !
it is so natural that you think of her everyday and feel anxious that you are not available for her anymore it is genuine and natural feeling of a daughter but you know things were out of your approach my friend and you did what could you do. i hope you will be able to visit her soon .
good that you got new chimney and windows ,sorry windows cannot take air conditioning system hope new system will be done soon.
it sounds little frustrating how you trying to manage both pets in different rooms .i wish them health!
worries are permanent part of life game my friend and if someone tells he is not worried about anything he must be lying .no human brain can escape the pattern of game actually no matter how full of luxury his life is ,his mind will soon create or explore something to worry about . all we can do is to keep trying to keep our "mental energy" in control and meditation is only way to do so honestly . y life transformed after long time meditation thankfully and if you are interested to worry less i would strongly recommend it .
you will feel that the button you mentioned is not not totally impossible ,practice makes perfect someday .
hugs and best wishes
Mr. Shife: Active meditation sounds like something that would fit with me too. Have you read about how meditation can have unintended negative effects? That blew my mind. I had no idea. It's due to the altered mental state that traditional meditation can induce.
ReplyDeletebaili: Thank you for all your good wishes, my friend! Many people have benefited from meditation but I have not tried it yet. As I replied to Mr. Shife (above) there is evidence that it can be harmful to some brains, which is concerning. And weird :) I'm glad it works well for you!
I have had two Samoyeds, and they loved to be outside in all weather. It sounds like that dog was old for the breed. I think you should just mind your own business. Someone called about our dog once and spca came around and said just a busybody call but they had to checkup anyway.
ReplyDeleteAll weather including hot and humid with ambient temp 35C / humidex temp 39C? With little cooling at night? I know they are built for cold but my understanding is that heat is not good for them.
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