Formerly titled: "Update, or I Need To Get Better At Blog Titles". All my titles seem to be "Update".
Why do I find it so hard to encapsulate a blog post in a title? I have no idea. But I'm trying to improve.
This update is about my mom's geriatric doctor appointment, which took place about two weeks ago.
I was initially thrilled by the mere fact that we now have a written diagnosis: dementia - Alzheimer's type, moderate. The diagnosis is in her medical records and can be accessed by anyone in our health care system.
I was also thrilled that we made it to the appointment with no stalling or other difficult behaviors by my mom. In fact, she was also thrilled because she had a chance to talk and talk and talk - although she doesn't realize what was revealed to the doctor and his assistant by her talking.
As the glow of simply having gotten through the appointment with a diagnosis and a happy mother wears off, though, I find myself feeling frustrated and resigned again.
We are no closer to having home care services, such as dispensing of medications or help with meals, etc., because my mother must agree to accept such care, and she will not.
We are no closer to assisted living or nursing home arrangements, because in order to be put on a waiting list for either of these, one of two things needs to happen:
Either: My mom agrees to go on the wait list. (Mom: Absolutely NOT!!)
Or: Mom must be declared incapable of making her own decisions in order to have a substitute decision-maker (me or my brother) appointed who will agree to put her on the wait list. This declaration is normally done by the family doctor because it should be based on long-term knowledge of the patient in a professional capacity. Mom no longer has a family doctor. Luckily, we have two new doctors coming to our area in early 2022 but there are so many people looking for a doctor I don't know if Mom will get on with one of those or not. They are not even starting to take names until midway through January.
So I am anxious about that. And I'm anxious about the new Covid variant, omicron, which has turned up in a nearby town after graduation ceremonies and related parties, both sanctioned and unsanctioned, at which rules were not enforced or not in place to begin with. Cases of Covid have exploded across my province, and my mother and I are past the six-month waiting period to get a booster ... but I didn't jump on the booking of boosters right away and now it will be January before we can get our third shots.
Mom can't remember to keep her hands away from her face, especially her eyes, and she can't remember that she can't remember, and gets upset at me if I suggest using hand sanitizer or washing with soap ("I always wash with soap!" she says, while I'm standing there watching her wash without soap). So I've had to invent a huge amount of work at my office that keeps me from taking her for groceries, and I feel bad about that because it's her only outing (she doesn't see the point of going for a drive just to get out) but I would feel worse if she caught this virus.
In the meantime, every day there is her reluctance to take her medications, refusal to allow me to help with anything like laundry or sweeping or meals, refusal to allow me to even help the neighbour clear away the snow ("he'll be insulted!"), and the endless, endless, endless repetition of questions and stories.
This is why memes and funnies are a big part of my mental health right now. They are a way to disassociate, even if it's just for a few moments, from the frustrations of things I cannot change in life.
Enjoy ... or at least escape your reality for a few moments.
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I have so many questions. |
*****
Wishing you a good week, with low anxiety, no saucy vases or cheating cats, and pizza on your plate, not on the roof.
Are nurse practitioners an option in NS? The chatting reminds me of my father. At his evaluation he talked for an hour non stop, taking the poor doctor from his premature birth to his 95th birthday, in mind numbing detail. Finally they got down to some testing. The doctor diagnosed high end of low dementia. (Worse now).Immediately Dad says very firmly, "I disagree with you!"
ReplyDeleteYour funnies are a life saver.
ReplyDeleteDementia is irrational and there's no good way to deal with irrationality. I find that if I can get the irrational thing through my head it's easier.
A diagnosis is a step forward at least. I know one day my mother will go to hospital and never go home again. She will go into some kind of care. She can manage with my brother's and funded support at the moment. I hope your brother takes some of the load if he is local.
ReplyDeleteSome of the funnies are very good. The stick library is funny and perhaps pig owners really mean they don't want their pigs rented to be in movies, especially a remake of an infamous one.
The MehGyver one suits me to a T, also most people I know. I love the "fed-up" vase.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear you still can't get help with your mother. I must remember to say "yes" if my children ever offer to get help for me in my later years. Maybe I should let them know now and sign a form so they can remind me if/when I get to that stage.
Thanks for posting all the funnies. The stick library is a favorite. That is so hard being responsible for a person with alzheimers, my sister in law had it.
ReplyDelete"endless, endless, endless" It's going to get worse.
ReplyDelete4. Tomorrow
"Lemonade" - LOL
Thank you so much for the funnies. I often rely on them - not least as a reminder that I am (probably) not totally weird. Or not weird on my own.
ReplyDeleteSigh on the mother front. And hugs.
Well, at least the doctor visit seems to have went well. Briana's mom has gone into enough of a decline that it's difficult to get a straight answer out of her and she wanders off conversationally to places that only exist in her mind. That makes it difficult to, say, try and get the property taxes paid on the place in Miranda where Briana is right now getting ready for our habitation.
ReplyDeleteI've heard of folks renting goats to clear excess vegetation, but am at a loss as to why one would want to rent a pig. We raised them when I was a kid, and I don't remember much about the experience I'd be inclined to pay to have again.
Good luck with your titles, I seem to understand them just fine.
-Doug in Sugar Pine
I know how frustrating it must be for you with your Mum. However much we love each other there comes a time when things get on top of us. I know with Tom this is so. Because he is ill he has become sort of obsessed with all things medical and because he is on Morphine (not a lot) he is away with the fairies sometimes. So I can understand your situation.
ReplyDeleteI am so grateful for my computer and crochet it takes me aways from things.
Have a good Christmas anyway.
Lots of hugs
Briony
x
Love the first two funnies especially!!
ReplyDeleteAt least you have one step in the right direction.
Fir the Ret you just have to do what you can, what you think best and not stress. Not always easy, but you have to.
The "lemonade" one cracked me up. It's good that the appointment went smoothly and that you got a diagnosis for Mum, but I sure see your problem with not having any consequenses coming from this. I don't know what to say, except a promise to keep you and your problems in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteThe results of the appointment are bitter sweet right now and of no immediate help but when/if your mum consents to having more help, the documentation is ready so that's good.
ReplyDeleteThe funnies are great, the one about days off describes my days off as though someone was watching me!
It has to be so difficult to help your mother and this time of year can’t be easy for you either. The doctor situation certainly doesn’t help!
ReplyDeleteSending a hug across the Strait!
i think you are underestimating dear Jenny ,i think your titles are perfect and relate to what you share completely on the other hand when i write my post hurriedly and don't have time to think over i just write "stuff of my life" now just to save few minutes .i hardly have title in my mind before i write actually.
ReplyDeletei love reading your posts because you share most basic things of life and i think with which everyone can relate easily .it makes me feel good that i can relate to your daily life ,issues of life and what you feel about life or current situations . it makes me feel connected to someone going through similar circumstances despite of all the cultural and geographical differences .thank you for being so open and honest !
i can only hope that if one of new doctor declare you or your brother to decide for your mom so she can have some domestic help in this part of age .my mother never allowed stranger in her house though she lived till seventy plus only and she had good health except in last year of her life when she developed throat cancer suddenly within eight months and could be aware of it because she was not taken to the doctor by my younger sister to whom she lived then .
i so enjoyed funnies as always and agree they are nice distraction for while :)
i fear of age when one can feel unable to enjoy anything i confess .
thinking of you my friend ,hope your babies are joining you for the Christmas and hope you are better and less sad when with them!
health peace and happiness to you and loved ones! please take great care ,hugs and blessings!
sending hugs...
ReplyDeleteIt's the very devil to have a diagnosis, yet no help to deal with it. You'd think the very diagnosis of dementia would be enough to allow some access to care provisions without the approval of one who is not able to make reasonable decisions. Talk about a Catch-22. Thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the funnies. I always pass them on to my DH when he is at work since it a very unpleasant environment--a raging, screaming boss. He shares them with co-workers when the idiot isn't around.
As the others have said, at least now you have a diagnosis -- that's a significant first step. Is there someone in the absence of a family doctor who can assign decision-making capabilities to you or your brother? There must be some provision for people who don't have a family doctor, or don't have one with whom they have a long-standing relationship. In any case, I hope you can get some encouragement from the fact that you are making progress.
ReplyDeleteSusan: Your dad sounds like my mom - including his reaction to the diagnosis! I don't know if they told my mother her diagnosis or not. I wasn't with her for most of the appointment, just at the end, where they spoke to both of us and slipped me the write-up including the diagnosis. I have tried to talk to Mom about her memory issues, only when it's an issue of forgetting medication or similar. She gets very indignant, which I understand.
ReplyDeleteRed: As usual, you have summed it up in a sentence or two. I try and try to remember that she can no longer think logically for most things. It's hard, though, especially when she can argue logically for her choices at times. It makes me forget she can't do it for everything.
Andrew: A diagnosis is definitely a step forward, but I am flummoxed as to how to move beyond it. Maybe we never will; maybe what you describe for your mother will be what happens with mine. A fall, an illness - boom, to the hospital and never home again.
River: MehGyver is me, too :D I think when dementia comes into the picture, all the signed statements in the world won't convince the patient. However, it may help your kids in a different way. The doctor and his assistant kept reminding me that I should try to remember what my mother would have wanted when she was younger, which was that she always said she would want to live in a place with other seniors and not be a burden on her kids. They said this is one way to make peace with the decision when the time comes and my mother doesn't want to go. Writing out your wishes could help remind your kids if that time comes for you.
Terra: I've seen other folks in my extended families, and in my father's nursing home, with different kinds of dementia but this is the first I've dealt with it firsthand. And I'm better off than many caregivers. I'm thinking of the ones who must have their loved one living with them because they are a danger to themselves or cannot do anything for themselves. I honestly don't know what will happen with Mom and me if/when that point arrives.
ReplyDeleteMike: Worse? Thanks, you are a ray of sunshine :) I don't know how to handle "worse" but I'm sure I'll find out.
Elephant's Child: Remember Pearl used to talk about how everybody's weird in their own way? You just have to find your tribe, in my opinion. I'm glad you're in my tribe :)
Doug: LOL on your pig comment :D I'm sorry to hear about Briana's mother. Yes, paying bills for my mother is a frustrating process too. If it's her idea, fine. If I suggest doing it early or putting it off for reasons that make sense to me, it's not going to happen.
Briony: You are so right. I'm glad you have some reliable ways to give your head a break. It's essential. Wishing you the best holiday you can have, given the circumstances. I understand.
gz: Yes, a diagnosis feels like an important step, for sure. Maybe the next steps will become clearer as time goes on.
Charlotte: I'm just resigned to whatever happens now. Well, that's how I feel today, anyway. If it gets worse, no doubt I will be upset all over again :) Thanks for your kind thoughts.
ReplyDeletekylie: The days off funny is me to a T - I notice I tend to pick memes that I identify with and leave out a lot of others. Did you ever notice I don't post coffee memes? Because I don't drink coffee! I'm sure a lot of other folks would enjoy them though. And yes, you're right - documentation of mom's diagnosis is really important and I don't mean to downplay it. I have a feeling it will open many doors as time goes by.
Marie: I caught that hug as it floated by ... Did you get the one I sent back on the opposite tide? :D Yeah, this is not the best Christmas ever but last year was worse.
baili: I appreciate your encouragement in all things; I definitely feel we bloggers are connected despite the differences in our lives. I feel I focus maybe too much on my personal struggles and wish I could write of big ideas such as you do; I don't like to be so self-centred, especially when I complain about my mother's focus on herself all the time. What to do? I don't know. I do feel you understand, having gone through something the same with your mother. Wishing you all the best, too.
e: Thanks - and in return :)
Mary: I'm so glad you enjoy the funnies and can pass them on to your husband and his co-workers to enjoy too. Sometimes the little things that can distract us are really important to do for ourselves. I know some folks would consider it a waste of time, but I know what works for me to keep me sane, and I encourage others to do what works for them also.
Steve: As I understand it, our only other option (if we don't have a family doctor to make the declaration of incompetency, and if Mom won't agree) is to get Social Services involved and have her declared a danger to herself. That's a drastic step and one I think is not yet necessary. But we are getting there. I'm thinking of talking to my own doctor again about what our choices are; surely he can tell me. The last time I tried talking to him, I got a referral to a grief counsellor. I think we got off the rails and I wasn't able to get back on track during that appointment.
Susan: I forgot to address your question about nurse practitioners in NS - I believe they work only in a group medical practice, and patients are funneled to either the NP or the MD, depending on what the problem is. I'm really hoping we can get Mom on with one of the new doctors, even if that means a NP will do some of the care.
ReplyDeleteWe all need those funnies, thank you.
ReplyDeleteThe problem with waiting lists is that people don't get on them early enough. For the help to be available when you need it, you have to get on the list before you need it. Of course, you can't explain that to your mother.
Wishing you a good rest of your week too, jenny_o. I am glad the memes help you cope and put you in a better place. I loved them all but the lab on the phone to 911 was my favorite. Maybe because I have one. Hope things get to get a better place with your mom. Take care and Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
ReplyDeleteI am glad the doctor's appointment went well, but can feel your frustration at the lack of a family doctor to make the necessary diagnosis. Can't the geriatric doctor do this if there is no family doctor currently in the area? Sending love to you, Jenny. I know this holiday season is going to be a hard one for you, but you will get through. Cry all the tears that want to flow. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteI imagine it is really hard to care for a loved one with memory loss/dementia. It angers me that you don't get the help you should and that now you have to worry about the new variant as well and not being able to get the booster shot before January. I totally understand that the funnies are a way to forget and escape for a moment, to keep your own sanity.
ReplyDeleteSuch a slow and nerve-wracking process for you! I feel for you, and hope you're soon able to find a doctor to make an 'official' determination on your mom. Meanwhile, I'm glad the internet funnies help you through the day. Thanks for the giggles - the text message one was hilarious!
ReplyDeleteYou have been through the darkest times, dear Jenny, and grief hurts so bad. I wish I could hold your hand and say all the right things to give you comfort, but I am not so eloquent. I have read Kubler-Ross during my times of pain and found her to be right on. “You will be whole again, but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same, nor would you want to be.” There will come a day when you won’t cry as much, but that does not mean that you will love less.
ReplyDeleteI so enjoyed your funnies and am so glad that you are still doing them. Knowing that you are smiling and looking for a good laugh is very hopeful.
Mimi: Exactly.
ReplyDeleteMr. Shife: Thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed the lab!
37p: The geriatric doctor has strict rules about what he will and won't do. He wouldn't even write a prescription for renewal of Mom's current medications, although he gave her a new prescription for something they want her to use! In fairness, he covers quite a few patients in a large area and has to make the best use of his time, I guess.
Carola: Here we are in mid-January and by now Mom has had her booster and should be as protected as she can be, so that's one reduced worry!
Diane: Humour is truly a life-saver for me, as it is for many. And it's so easy to find on the internet.
Arleen: How nice to hear from you - I think about you and wonder how you are doing. It's so true that we are never the same after grief. I didn't fully understand that before. This has been a learning process. I think I am doing better now and, as you said, being able to seek out humour is a hopeful sign.