Monday, 16 January 2017

Almost Ready For My Public Debut

We had to replace our washing machine a couple of years ago, and although we chose the simplest model - the one most like our old one - and it does a good job, there are still times it drives me nuts. It has some kind of electronic sensor that it uses to determine if the load is balanced, in terms of weight, and it also has a locking lid.

I understand the locking lid; it's a safety feature that will probably save my hand/arm/life at some point in the next twenty years as I develop dementia and forget to let the spin cycle stop before reaching in.

And I like the fact that it will decide if the load is balanced so it doesn't wreck the tub, banging and crashing into the sides of the washer - instead, it meekly stops and refuses to go until I redistribute the load and it feels mentally and emotionally prepared to proceed.

But it takes SO LONG to do its electronic wizardry. The wash cycle ends up taking about fifteen minutes more per load than a similar cycle did in our old washer. When the machine is started, it spends time whirring and clicking and whirring some more and clicking some more, and eventually - if it is completely satisfied with my offering - it allows the water to run in. Each time it starts to do something different, it's like the machine has to re-think whether it's happy with its life: is it really done swishing? is it ready to spin now? what about now? is it okay with the rinse water about to flood in? is it ready to swish again? is it okay to spin again? is it okay to unlock the lid now? because the spinning only completely stopped one full minute ago, and this lady doesn't always appear to have all her faculties ... okay, I guess it's okay to unlock, SIGH.

So yesterday one of my loads wasn't to the liking of the Great White Washing Machine (GWWM) and required redistribution. Done. Punch the start button. Silence, click, whir, weird chugging sound, click, whir, chugging sound ... it didn't sound good, so I hit the pause button, waited a dog's age for everything to process so the lid would unlatch, repeated the process ... except, THIS time I was more careful, actually taking everything out (quite wet) and placing things back in, piece by piece by piece, trying to judge with my hands how heavy each item was. Re-started GWWM, and waited while it went through the whole recalibration thing, plus this time actually spinning and draining, and finally, reluctantly, interminably, coming to a stop and one full minute later unlocking the lid.

But did I waste all that time being upset? swearing at GWWM? going back upstairs and then forgetting that the wash needed put in the dryer?

No, no and no. Although I have done all of those before, I admit.

NOOOO. This time, my friends, I decided I'd take advantage of the wonderful acoustics of the laundry room and the resonance of GWWM's lid, and I created a drum solo that was THIS CLOSE to sounding like this:


(It's easier to see the excellent handwork of the drummers if you click on the Youtube icon and view the video directly on Youtube.)


I'm thinking of getting a hat and a pair of chopsticks for my next performance. You know, take things up a notch.

(Photo credit: Pixabay. Yes, I know that's a turkey. I couldn't find a picture of a donkey playing a drum. Go figure.)






29 comments:

  1. Showoff.
    Our machine is slow. Some cycles take over two hours. Which means that I almost always only use its quickest cycle. Perhaps like Marvin the Robot 'brain the size of a planet and you have me opening doors' it resents this and sometimes refuses to allow me to open the doors when the cycle is complete. I say things. And I bash on the machine. But it isn't musical.

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    1. Every time "they" improve an appliance, it works worse! Get your hat and chopsticks, EC, and join me :)

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  2. I swear that if there were gushing streams near our houses, it would be quicker to do our washing in the stream, rather than waiting for a modern semi-computerised washing machine to complete its laborious cycle.

    How could donkeys hold drumsticks in their hooves? You need fingers for that.

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    1. We have a gushing ditch behind our house; I wonder if that would work. And if that turkey can hold drumsticks, a donkey can! I can be all logical and stuff too.

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  3. Cool video. I hope your hat has a big gorgeous feather. Why not? We got a new washing machine a couple years ago, too. I'm not very impressed with it. It requires maintenance which, if you don't offer, results in linty clothing. I resent this. I remember when washing machines just washed clothes and weren't all uppity. Don't even get me started on printers.

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    1. I know! They say it's just a matter of time before the machines take over. Well, I think that ship has sailed.

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  4. we must have the same model....you get used to it

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    1. When will that happen? Because it's been a couple of years now, and I'm still not!

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  5. I got a new washer and dryer when I moved. No bells or whistles. The dryer knows what to do. The washer is a small computer, packed into the great white machine. It weighs the load to know how much water. If I ever need to pause the machine (which happens in a second; Maytag magic!), I am appalled at the minuscule amount of water washing my load.

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    1. I made sure to get one that uses lots of water. I know, it's terrible for the environment. But I know people who wash their clothes twice (!) because otherwise they don't get clean with that little bit of water - where's the goodness in that??

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  6. I ha to get a new washer after my 25 yr. old low tech thing finally gave up the ghost. I was shocked to see how long the cycles are! The spin cycle is over 20 mins! and it's so loud - it sounds like helicopters landing in my basement. And that lock lid thing is a nuisance.

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    1. Helicopters - haha! That locking lid IS a nuisance, I agree. Yet I fear what might happen down the road if it weren't like that. Maybe I should be worrying about how I'm going to manage the laundry, period, down the road, you know, when the dementia kicks in.

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  7. Oh my goodness, I'm sorry you have to go through this each time. But I tell you, you wrote it well and gave me a good chuckle. Thanks and boogie boogie,

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    1. Thanks, Ivy - always glad to make someone smile. I actually don't have to do this with every load, just the odd one that ends up unbalanced.

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    2. Glad to read it's not every load.

      Happy New Week!

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  8. Our newer washer is smarter than our old one and makes lots of cool noises. However, it does take longer and doesn't do as good a job of cleaning. I thought technology was supposed to make things better.

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    1. Better for who, is the question ...

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  9. It's amazing what washing machines have turned into. I delivered and installed hundreds of them back in the '90s, but the fanciest ones we had were the Maytag Neptunes, which were brand new at the time. We carried a few expensive imported ones, though I can't recall the brand names of them, but they were mostly installed by contractors instead of us lowly delivery guys.
    Cool video. Reminds me a little of Sean and Michelle, some folks I know who had a drum-and-vocal band called the Loyd Family Players (that's one "L" as in unempLOYeD, which never seemed right to me as they both worked for Blue Bottle Coffee the whole time I knew them).
    Anyway, they were great house mates, and I think there are still videos of them on YouTube.

    -Doug in Oakland

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    1. I love drums - I need to look them up!

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  10. This sounds exactly like my washer. Our old washer was a 1970 model

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    1. You've got us beat, Red. Our old one was from 1980. I hated to see the old girl go.

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  11. There seems to be a lot of electronic wizardry lately. Lots of fancy gizmos and gadgets and bells and whistles. Personally, I'd like appliances to last more than just a few years! The old models seems to last forever. But I do love our new washing machine. It even plays a happy musical tune when the load is done. Always makes me smile.

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    1. Plays a happy tune?! I feel like I've been cheated!!

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  12. If it's any consolation, our washing machine is almost certainly even slower than yours. It takes ours three hours to complete a cycle. Which I just can't fathom.

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    1. Three hours? That's terrible! Ours takes about an hour for a full load, less for smaller loads. Thanks, Steve, you've made me feel better ... but now I feel bad for you!

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  13. oops it sounds like QUITE a problem dear.
    i can imagine what like a lady feels when some electronic stuff create such mess during the rush of chores.
    we bought our second washing machine when my first which was gift of my wedding from mom went to be slow .
    second was not better then first but glad is working properly since more than twelve years.each round of laundry takes only fifteen minutes and that all.
    wishing you a Blessed days friend!

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    1. Fifteen minutes - that is wonderful! That would really speed things up :)

      Wishing you a good day, too, baili!

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  14. My stackable unit is old but reliable...the strangest thing that happened was and is the cat's insistence on climbing in the warm dryer just as the laundry is to be removed...

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    1. Warm anything is a magnet for a cat! I think the older machines were MORE reliable, to be honest.

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