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Tuesday, 1 July 2025

Still Kicking & Canada Day

I thought this would be a good day to check in and let you all know I have not fallen off the side of the earth yet, despite my lack of posting that might indicate otherwise.

Today is July 1 - Canada Day - in my part of the world. This holiday takes on even more significance for Canadians in the current political climate. In the face of annexation threats and heavy tariffs against us by Trump & Co., Canadians have come together to stop buying American products as much as possible. Oh, and - against all odds - to elect another Liberal federal government because the Conservative party has turned into a mini-Trump party. Enough Canadians abhorred that scenario, thank goodness, and we have a steady hand on the country's tiller for now at least.

Meanwhile, I've gone back to working days to fill in for a co-worker who left to take another job. It was supposed to be for May only, but the new person hired for the position left after a week so I am still there. I am enjoying being around my co-workers again, instead of working in the evenings when I am usually alone, and the ability to help out at this busy time of year is satisfying. I'm also happy for the extra income, as both my washer and dryer have given up the ghost over the past two months. (Don't tell my stove, but it - the stove - is the last remaining appliance in the house from the original fridge-stove-washer-dryer we bought when we moved into our first house after getting married forty-five years ago. It doesn't hurt that it gets little use these days, but I'm sure the second it knows I can replace it then it will give a sigh of relief and slip away to a better place.)

Also, to update you on my mom, she is deeply unhappy at the nursing home and this troubles me. It is not a homey place and there is high staff turnover, and I agree with her assessment that it's not a home, it's just a place to "make do". She still longs to go back to her own house, where she had some illusion of independence and definitely had more privacy and peace and quiet. I am still looking for solutions, including a private care home forty minutes away from me. It is a risky move to consider. If it doesn't work out, I don't know what the alternatives are or how long it could take to implement them. I do know that I can't take on her care myself. It drove me to the brink, mentally, when I was responsible for her before. Her needs are greater now, and in order to look after her I would have to stop working. Work has been a great help in regaining and maintaining my mental health, and I don't want to lose that. Even when my current position is filled and I go back to evenings, I know now that I need something to do where I can interact with people most days. That may be volunteer work or it may be something else, but I am well aware that it can't be as caretaker for my mom, no matter how selfish that sounds or feels.

I've had some physical health challenges over the last six months, but I am trying to deal with them one by one. I'm also renewing my attempts to move more and eat less, which my job has also helped. I am not naturally a high-energy, "busy" person; even as a child my favourite activities weren't actually activities but very quiet pastimes that I enjoy to this day: reading, handcrafts, writing and thinking. It is difficult to integrate exercise into that framework, especially as I get older and creakier.

So that's the update on this warm, windy day in Donkey Land. I'm off to do some chores that will make life easier for future me. Laundry needs washing so it can air-dry (see above re dead dryer). Housework needs doing. I still have a boatload of stuff here from my mom's house to be cleaned and donated. There is no shortage of things to keep me busy.

Please enjoy some memes before you go.






















And finally, for all my fellow vertically-challenged peeps out there:





***
That's it for now. Later, my friends.


 

34 comments:

  1. Yes, the appliances are likely talking with each other. Sorry to hear that your Mom continues to struggle to adjust.
    Happy Canada day, so glad we live in this fantastic country.

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    1. The appliances - lol
      And we are lucky, aren't we? So much of life's circumstances are just luck of the draw.

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  2. Good to hear from you again! Happy Canada day - keep it up. We here in Denmark also almost stopped buying American stuff.
    I hope you find a good and opermanent solution with your mom, most of those "homes" are so not homely.
    That last funny cracked me up. thanks!

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    1. PS. Are you quite sure your mom is also unhappy when you're not there. Or that she would be happier somewhere else, that still would not be her old home?
      You probably already thought of all this and more too. But my mom was in one place and very unhappy. Then she was moved to another place, and was unhappy there and longed for number one place, then she was hospitalized and longed for number two place. I'm quite sure it was inside her, not in the places as such - even if number one was a better place.

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    2. That is an excellent question, Charlotte. We have wondered about that, but from phone calls the home makes to me, and from nurses' comments, I think she is unhappy quite a bit of the time. We're trying to arrange a meeting with the administration to delve into it in more detail. Your mother's experience and feelings are interesting. Other people have told me similar stories. It's one reason I worry about moving her. Will she be even more unhappy? I wish I had a crystal ball. Thanks for telling me about your experience with your mom.

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  3. Believe it or not I was thinking about you yesterday and wondering if we would here from you again. It sounds as if things are going well for you personally. A shame about your mother's situation. Finding a good place seems to be pure luck. Perhaps our new government can do something about that (on top of everything else they have to handle at the moment). I bet your replacement appliances aren't going to last anywhere near as long as the originals. While you have been AWOL we have sold our acreage and bought a house in town. The last two months we have been living in a friend's basement waiting for possesion. It has been a tiny bit grim. I'm telling you because I can't breathe a word to anyone else-small town gossip you know. Anyway, happy dance-we get the keys tomorrow!

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    1. I can imagine how excited you are to move into your own space again - good luck with all the work of settling in! It will be different living in town after having more room at your former home. And unfortunately I think you're right about those appliances :)

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  4. Nice to hear that your life is still ticking along Jenny. Regarding your mother's dissatisfaction with the residential home - would it possible to take her out of there sometimes for lunch or just some peaceful time in a park - something like that? You have been such a great daughter to her that self-recriminations should be totally off the menu. HAPPY CANADA DAY!

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    1. I would love to take her out sometimes but I am very worried that she would refuse to get in the car to go back, or that she would insist I take her to her house, and even get violent. She has hit, slapped, and pulled the hair of caregivers at the home when they try to give her personal care, and she has gotten angry with me and my brother when we go to visit when we say we can't take her home. She is small but strong. I just want her to have a half-decent life for whatever is left of it - and because she is still physically in good shape (for her age), that could be five to eight more years . . .

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  5. I think visiting the private care home a few times to get a feel for the place might help with your decision. Talk to some who live there and also to family who visit them. If you can afford the home then it might be a better place for your mum.
    Fingers crossed your stove keeps working.

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    1. I agree, I would need to visit the private care home, preferably several times as you suggested, before making the decision. And their website says they need to interview the person wanting to move there to make sure they feel it's a good fit. Mom might not qualify as she could become very disruptive if she disagrees with anything they do or say. Insert frustrated face here!

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  6. Welcome back. It is good to read you again. I hope with time you won’t feel guilty about not providing care for your mother. Your health is important. You have to take care of yourself first. That is not selfish.

    Happy Canada Day!

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    1. Guilt seems to be imprinted on my psyche, Marie. I just feel there is more I should do to try to make Mom's situation better. But I wish I knew ahead of time how a different home would work out for her. I hate to see her so upset but would she be more upset by a change in environment?

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  7. Good to hear that you're still in blogland. Happy Canada Day.

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    1. Thanks, Red! I haven't been visiting many blogs, let alone writing on my own. There is only so much time and energy in my day!

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  8. On several occasions I compensated for personal issues by pouring myself into my work... easy to decide to do when you factor in the otherwise non-existent money, but found out the hard way that bodies do age and tolerate less of that kind of behavior. OK, I was taking it to an extreme and working ten to thirteen hour days during a stressful acquisition of the company, but one evening I woke up unable to roll over because I'd had a stroke, and haven't been employable since then.
    Happy Canada day, and congratulations on electing a sane government. I deeply yearn for one of those just now...

    -Doug in Sugar Pine

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    1. I wish so hard that the U.S. government was not the way it is right now. Every day is a new low and I worry about all the people affected by the actions of those at the top.

      I didn't know about the circumstances leading up to your stroke. That is sobering.

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  9. It's not at all selfish or unreasonable to refrain from taking on a burden which was already pushing you past your limits of endurance when you were doing it before. Taking care of an elderly person can be tremendously demanding, and at some point the demands would overpower you to the point where it was not safe for your mother. I'm sure the change was unsettling for her, but there was no way of avoiding that. I'm sure back in the days when she was fully in her right mind, she would have wanted you to prioritize yourself.

    Glad you're getting some benefit from social interactions at your job. That's another problem that can arise when you're a full-time caregiver -- you get cut off from the rest of the world.

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    1. All true, but hard to internalize ... And I am prone to isolating myself even without the caregiving. Work imposes a structure on me that I haven't been able to impose on myself, so, yeah, it's really good.

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  10. I completely relate to not being able to take on the full time care of your mom.
    People keep asking if I live with my mum and no, no I dont. I can't, couldn't, won't. I bet nobody asks my brother the same question.
    You deserve to live the life you want.
    I hope you can find the right place for your mom, you can only live life to the extent that you know shes ok

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    1. "I bet nobody asks my brother the same question." Hah! well put. Same here. I really hope I can find a way to help Mom be more content, but ultimately I do know my limits now. I know you understand the push and pull, though.

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  11. You are not selfish for setting a good boundary with what you can and cannot do for your mother.

    It's good to see you and thank you so much for the funnies. If that was a squirrel, they make them much bigger there.

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    1. Thanks, Mimi.
      Yep, I wonder how big their mosquitoes are, also :)

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  12. It's good to hear from you.
    I'm sorry that your worries with your mother persist and hope you can find a solution that works for both of you. That's difficult when it's not easy to please some people.
    The otter in the sock delighted me - so sweet.

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    1. If her living situation was better where she currently lives, I wouldn't feel so badly for her. I think that even if she was very willing to live there, it would still be a poor situation. There are very few activities and very little space to sit and socialize. And from what I've been able to see, for the most part the staff is unable or unwilling to give enough attention to each resident. It is so different from what I saw at my father's nursing home. Because there is such high demand for nursing home spaces, there is no option to move to a different one now, except if we try a private care home.
      That otter picture is delightful, isn't it!

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  13. Glad to see a post from you! I wish I had advice for what to do about your mom -- the only thing I can think is to get home health aides who could assist her back at home, but I believe you said that was not an option given the expense. I hope you can find a place where she feels more comfortable.

    I'm glad work has been feeling good for you and your mental health has improved. That is SO important!

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    1. When Mom still lived at home, we were trying to get her comfortable with people coming in, but she outright rejected them. At one point it was a matter of finances, but after we were appointed her guardians, we could have paid from her own funds with no problem. But the biggest hurdle was just that she didn't think she needed any help, so she wouldn't accept it.
      Yes, I'm amazed at how much better I feel working. Things were pretty grim inside my head earlier this year.

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  14. Good to get an update from you, jenny_o. Glad things are going well for the most part. I hope you can find a good solution for your mother. Take care. And for the love of fat bassets, the otter picture is so cute.

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    1. "for the love of fat bassets" - lol. My favourite of your sayings :D
      I hope for a good solution for Mom also.

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  15. I've just updated my blog so that your latest posts show. I've no idea why they stopped. Fingers crossed I've sorted it now. Please don't feel guilty over your mum. You are doing great and that can only be good for both of you. Xx

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    1. Thanks for your support, Cherie. Yes, blogging platforms can do weird things!

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  16. Hi Jenny. I'm happy you are posting. I'm sorry for and about your mom and hope you find a solution and I'm glad you are doing better emotionally, All the best regarding your health.

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  17. Precious friend Jenny it’s always a deep pleasure to read your latest post 🥰

    I felt happy that you have started to work again even for a while. I believe such way of departing from fixed routine is huge relief for senses . I loved your honesty about your desire to socialise little bit to feel better. It’s very natural and beautiful thing to do . Even workplace can add some freshness to mental health. And I completely understand that taking care of your mother will not help. If she was well mentally at least that would have helped you lot but now when she is not looking after her is only a job full of stress undoubtedly.

    Sorry for you are having health issues my friend! Hope you are going for check up and trying to treat them !
    I am grateful that you are trying to move more and eat less dear Jenny. Just some months ago I was devastated to learn about my knees aren’t going to support me. But when dear friend Sue shared a video of certain exercises I followed regularly and now I can walk ten km daily if I want to. God has created everything in pair so no problem comes without solution. Having faith and determination and dedication can resolve everything by the grace of God!🥹

    I bet if you start to figure out you will find a way to reduce wait to some point and enjoy life with more depth 🙏🥰👍

    You are always in my thoughts and prayers precious friend 🥹🥰♥️♥️♥️

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