Question 1:
Why is it that every time I buy a box of salted top soda crackers that contains four sleeves of crackers, three sleeves are lovely and tan and salty and one sleeve is scorched and salt-less? Do the soda cracker factory people set aside all the beginner bakers' mistakes and package them up and put one sleeve in every box that leaves the building just so they can get rid of them? Is this what happens when shareholders of public companies demand the best rate of return on their investment? My advice, people, is to buy shares in a soda cracker company, because those crackers are still flying off the shelves, bought by people like me, who live in eternal hope that the next package will not have that sleeve of burnt crackers in it and I will finally have gotten my money's worth.
Question 2:
Why do shoppers pick up stuff and then set it down somewhere it doesn't belong? I could understand if it happened once in awhile, say, if they had every intention of buying something and then had a bathroom emergency or a child emergency or suddenly realized they forgot their money at home but I can't understand why ALL the children's clothing at WalMart is all mixed up by size and garment and even at times by gender. Goodness knows it's hard enough deciding whether to buy a Spiderman or a puppy T-shirt for a three-year-old grandson (too scary? too baby-ish? dark enough to hide spaghetti sauce stains? will the vinyl print off-gas into the child's lungs and cause problems down the road?) without having to poke around the whole boys' department to find a pair of shorts in the right size that don't have lace on them because everything is on the wrong rack. You know, I've seriously considered applying for a job at WalMart because I like to sort things and make them tidy, and I know I could do a really good job of it. You wouldn't think that if you saw our house, but that's entirely different. YES. IT IS.
Question 3:
Why is it that when your car is making a really loud squeaky noise you feel compelled to open the windows to listen to it over and over and over? Sure, you close them up after awhile and turn up the radio really loud so you don't have to hear it but eventually the urge to "just see if the squeak is still there" becomes overpowering and there you are, putting the windows down AGAIN. And yes, the squeak is still there. The squeak you've been hearing, albeit at a lesser volume, for two years, but neither the spousal unit nor the mechanics have been able to hear it. Well, they sure hear it now.
Question 4:
And why is it that when you get the squeak removed from your car you feel compelled to open the windows to listen to the lack of squeak over and over and over? Mmmmmmmm . . . humming along so quietly . . . wait, is that a squeak? Yes, but it's in someone else's car . . . aaaahhhhhhh . . . life is good. The windows can go back up now.
Question 5:
Why don't the makers of men's dress shirts make them with short sleeves anymore? Have they not heard about global warming? Hello, things are getting hotter, not colder. Pity the men who have to wear a suit and tie in the summertime to start with, add in long sleeves and you're looking at a lot of heat exhaustion. I've thought about cutting off the sleeves and stitching them up myself, but I'm not sure I could stand the anxiety of cutting into a sixty-dollar shirt in case something goes wrong, and besides, for sixty dollars it should be exactly what you want to begin with. And also, what am I going to do with two half-sleeves from a brand new shirt?? And also, also, clothing manufacturers cut corners every other way, why can't they JUST CUT THE SLEEVES SHORTER?
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If you're still with me, thank you for reading; you deserve some chocolate and some funnies. Due to technical difficulties, I am unable to get the chocolate into your hands via the computer at this time, but the funnies are totally doable, thanks to icanhas.cheezburger.com.
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. . . but feeling MINTY |
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Heck, kitty, so did I |
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. . . except if it's exercising my right to be lazy |
If you're sensing a theme of fattening food and no exercise in the Donkey house, you might be right. I'll never tell.
. . . Until a month from now, when I'll complain to you all about putting on another five pounds.
Continuing on:
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Nothing good ever comes of THIS look, either . . . |
And finally, especially for Elephant's Child, regarding her comment on Monday's post :)
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Awww, kitty, you're breaking my heart!! |
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Thank you. Though that cat is infinitely more polite than Jazz who says POISON. YOU ARE TRYING TO POISON ME.
ReplyDeleteThe end result is the same though.
Drat you for your unaswerable questions. Perhaps they should be presented at shareholder's meetings?
And thank you for the moggies. Even those with looks which bode nothing good.
The end result IS the same, you're right! A non-eating kitty and one more batch of cat food that has been deemed unworthy :)
Delete1) Not quite sure, but my best guess is that the machines run a little differently at the beginning and end of each batch.
ReplyDelete2) I had assumed that they did it to drive people like me insane, but then decided that it probably wasn't about me...
3) Uncertainty, mostly, about whether the squeak is likely to strand you somewhere inconvenient and/or cost you a lot of money, and the coping with the lack of any good options at finding those things out before having to trust the thing with your safe conveyance.
4) PTSD?
5) I don't know, but: Q: Where did Napoleon keep his armies?
A: In his sleevies.
-Doug in Oakland
Spot on with the third answer - I get anxious if the car isn't reliable, as I suppose most people do. Maybe they just hide it better :)
DeleteI LOVE that joke!!!
Question 1: write to the company, let them know your extreme dissatisfaction with the burnt unsalted crackers and mention you and your friends will no longer be buying them. Get a dozen or so extra signatures on the letter.
ReplyDeleteQuestion 2:shoppers do this because they can and they don't care. "There's people who work here to sort stuff out, let them do it." And of course most of the people who work there are extremely annoyed at having to sort out the mess AGAIN because behind the scenes there is so much else to be done in a store of any kind.
Question 3: never happened.
Question 4: again, never happened.
Question 5: NEVER cut the sleeves on long sleeved shirts. It won't work and the shirts will be forever uncomfortable. I tried it once. When short sleeved shirts are made, the cut and fit are just that little bit looser in shoulders and armholes, than in long sleeved shirts which are supposed to look more formal, being business shirts. Short sleeved shirts are more casual and cut to fit more casually.
Love the cartoons.
Oh, that's good to know about the sleeves, River. I was all set to practice on an old shirt, but if the sleeves are narrower it won't work even if I sew it perfectly :(
DeleteThank you for the other answers, too.
I don’t have an answer for question #1. I seldom have soda crackers in my pantry; I am more of a Triscuit lady.
ReplyDeleteWhy people don’t put back clothes on the correct racks is simple. They are lazy. I, of course, have never done this.
Squeaky cars are a great source of concern for me. Squeaks or chirping tells me that my breaks are wearing out. Been there, done that, and although not a disaster, it struck fear in me that will never leave. So I listen for squeaks at all times but keep that radio blasting hoping it is coming from there.
My cat loves to lay on her back and seems proud of her girth. I envy her lack of pride.
I love Triscuits but my innards don't, so I am stuck with soda crackers. Boo. Do the Triscuits have better quality control?
DeleteI seriously will walk around the store to put stuff back; I can't remember ever just setting something down. I've given the odd thing to the cashier to take care of if I notice a flaw or problem while I'm standing in line. Maybe I'm crazy. Am I crazy?
Our cats do that, too. C'mon, Arleen, we can work on having lack of pride if we really try! lol
Lol. We had a new car and drove up the northern peninsula of Newfoundland. The whole way there and back there was a rattle in the car. We couldn’t place the source of course and brought the vehicle to be fixed. They took it for a test drive and discovered the noise was from the sun visor which was not clipped in on one side and rattled every time we drove over a bump!
ReplyDeleteWas our face red!
Oh no!! Well, that's the bad news. The good news is that there was nothing wrong :D
DeleteThat last kitty is perfect. Now if you''ll excuse me, I have to go listen for a squeak.
ReplyDeleteAnd if you hear one, don't forget to turn the radio up :)
DeleteI've never heard or seen salted top soda crackers.
ReplyDeleteI have been known to put an item of clothing in a random place, because I manage to talk myself out of it as I walk around the shop. :D
I'm looking forward to the day when clothes aren't split into genders at all. Maybe we shouldn't work together in the same Walmart? :D
How can anybody eat soda crackers without salt?! lol
DeleteSo it's YOUR fault it took me so long to find shorts!! haha I completely agree that clothing shouldn't need to be separated by gender. But when I'm expecting them to be, it's frustrating because lack of organization adds one more layer to the weeding-out process, and I'm already stressed out just by the shopping. Too many choices! I'm not good with so many choices. I think we can blame the shareholders for that, too, and also the fashion industry, shall we? :D
I'm pretty sure we could work together, Joey. There might be more laughing than working, but, you know, the rest of the time we'd be working for sure ;)
I was ready to answer a few of your question but I got distracted by the cats. Especially the one about LSD. I am still laughing about that one. Hope you find what you are looking for with your Q&A. Take care.
ReplyDeleteHaha! I wasn't really looking for answers, Mr. S. :)
DeleteI think that cat was just recovering from anesthetic - we had one cat who looked a bit like that when we took him home after his snip - he was still under the influence for a few hours!
The cat we had when i was a little girl ate whatever he was given from a dish on the windowsill (away from the dog) The dish was never washed (or maybe mum did it when I was occupied with kid things) The longer I live, the more I realise that no other cat is so easy to deal with.
ReplyDeleteI'll do Pies and Lattes any time!
A generation or two ago, cats were lucky to get anything handed to them; I remember my grandmother giving their cat a "treat" - a slice of bread soaked in milk. Now we know cats are carnivores and milk isn't good for their digestive systems. But that cat ate it right up!
DeletePie and lattes! HAHAHA As I get older and my hearing begins to diminish, this is likely to happen :)
ReplyDeleteI had a really good laugh with all the cats images. For all their posturing, cats are such clowns. LOL
I can't answer all these important life questions before my second coffee :) But I can say that I would be the perfect person for any store to hire for sorting and keeping things organized. Sometimes, without even noticing, I do that at the stores!
They should be paying you, Martha! (And me, too, because I'm doing it too :))
DeleteThe answer to all your questions, human nature, the silly and sublime. And i bet you'd whip that clothing department right into shape!
ReplyDeleteI think you hit the nail on the head, 37p :)
DeleteI did chuckle at the cat pictures... and I am not sure what soda crackers are... I've never heard of them but they sound tasty
ReplyDeleteGoogle says soda crackers (also called saltines) are not common in the UK - I didn't know that. They are a bland, tasteless cracker that most people eat with soup or spread with peanut butter. Without salt you might as well be eating cardboard! But they are good for a bland diet, or for women with pregnancy nausea, as they are easy to digest.
DeleteQuestion2: I think people assume that "someone else" (an employee) will put things back where they belong. They basically abdicate all personal responsibility and leave it to someone else to clean up their mess. "It's their job, after all, right?" This is the same attitude that some people use when they throw trash on the street, and it drives me crazy. "Well, we have people to clean that up, right?" Argh!
ReplyDeleteQuestion 5: Short-sleeve men's dress shirts have a bad name in the fashion world, and I think the feeling is that men don't want them anymore.
I guess Q 5 is another example of form over function, then? They don't look right to "somebody's" eye so the fact that they are cooler doesn't enter into the decision?? Pah! Thanks for the info; at least now I understand better :)
DeleteDear Jenny_o, I remember graduating from college back in 1958 and my roommate and dearest friend writing me--before I entered the convent and she married a few days later--and saying, "Isn't it wonderful that now that we've graduated from a Catholic college we know all we'll ever need to know?" and I can also remember my agreeing with her. What a dope I was. So many questions today and so few answers. Good luck finding yours. Peace.
ReplyDelete"Nothing good ever comes from this look" - still chuckling! And don't get me started about buying a $60 garment and then having to alter it so it fits the way it should have fit in the first place. The only thing that makes that tolerable is that at least now I have a proper sewing table. ;-)
ReplyDeleteLucky you! (Well, more like Yay you! for planning and working so you have one :D) Now you just need to make time to use it!
DeleteI never thought I'd miss Home Ec but those tables! that space! It was well set up, and it made sewing a lot easier.
Yep, having to lay out patterns on the floor and crawl around on hands and knees to cut out the pieces gets old REALLY fast.
DeleteEspecially when our knees are getting old really fast, too :)
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